The Loss of A Superhero
Brooklyn, New York 1991
Daddy's Girls should NEVER become Daddy's Women.
I was your typical daddy's girl who saw her father as her best friend. My father was a 6'4 300lb super Dad in my eyes. One of our favorite things to do was to watch scary movies. After all with my dad around what was there to fear.
One night after everyone had gone to bed, Dad and I decided to stay up late and watch a movie. While watching the movie I started to fall asleep and my Dad called me over to his lap to sleep. That night my father turned his little girl's reality into a scary movie by exposing her to a life-altering plot twist. That night began a domino effect of what felt like inescapable horror-filled realities.
At 6 years old, I was placed in a space his woman should only occupy.
Safety Could Not Find Me
I was sexually abused by my father and was told that I would be safe, unfortunately...
At the age of 7 years old, I was removed from my home by BCW. Now under the protection of BCW, who promised me that no one would hurt me again. Sadly, foster care only continued the story of abuse.
I was placed in a home where the foster mother was a BCW caseworker and her husband was a Deacon in the church. We went to church 3-4 days a week, they were very active in ministry. Their rules turned into laws that if not followed would result in severe punishment.
One rule was that I was not allowed to leave my room. So if I needed to use the bathroom permission must be granted first, which was not always guaranteed. One day I asked to use the bathroom and was not granted permission. Unable to hold my bladder, I used the bathroom on myself. My foster mother came to the door and saw that I had urinated on myself and said "now you have to take a bath". My foster mother went into the bathroom and ran a bath and instructed me to come to the bathroom and strip. I obeyed, was then grabbed and forced into a tub with smoldering hot water.
I began to fight to breathe but my foster mother grabbed my urine filled panties and stuffed them in my mouth until I stopped fighting. It was only that that I was pulled from the water, right before my body went lifeless. My close to lifeless body was then locked back into the room where I found myself looking out the window. In a moment of emptiness, I asked God where He was! I began to beg Him to save me.
Safety did find me and so did the healing, love, and peace.
My history is heartbreak, betrayal, and self-destructive behaviors but I needed more than pain to define and control me. I found my savior in God and the heroine myself.
I am worth pushing past pain, and so are you.
— Samura J.